At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
