I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
