Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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