Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
