May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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