The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
