I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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