I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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