you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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