He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
