I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
