1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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