pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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