Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
