Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
