My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
