Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
