i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
