DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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