I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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