My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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