genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
