Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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