did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
