you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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