had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
