Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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