Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
