Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
