Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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