You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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