Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
