Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
