SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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