I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
