Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
