she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
