if you like me you must not know who I am
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
