just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
