you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
