nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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