Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
