Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
