my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want to make out with him forever
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
