wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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