We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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