What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
