it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
