Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
