is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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